School
School is such a big issue for many children especially neurodivergent children or undiagnosed neurodivergent children. It can cause a huge amount of trauma and anxiety in children and their parents. Whilst we try everything to make school work sometimes, as the adults, we eventually have to decide if it’s all worth it – the stress, anxiety and resulting decline in mental health.
Dr Naomi Fisher is a clinical psychologist who writes about school trauma and autistic children who are not fine in school, I found her thinking really helpful, see Resources section.
If your child is in school or still trying to make school work then once you have spent some time researching and understanding your child’s needs, book a meeting with the class teacher and SENCO. Explain to them what your child needs and why they need it.
For example: My son needed to eat more than 1 small piece of fruit at breaktime (this seemed to be school policy) he often arrived at school having not eaten any breakfast and therefore he was hungry at school, he also frequently needed to eat his rice crackers to help him regulate his feelings of anxiety. You probably have to calmly explain to school that it is not about getting your child up earlier or working out what their favourite cereal is – no doubt you will have tried all that. For some children, they don’t like to eat first thing or the anxiety of going to school is preventing them from being able to eat. The school agreed and my son was happier being able to eat his rice crackers. Although, one day he did try and sneak a pocket full of sweets in to school. Luckily, I have built up a strong collaborative relationship with my son so he felt he could tell me his ‘plan’ when we were in the school car park. Of course I had all the normal thoughts of a parent:, ‘I will get in trouble with the school’ ‘my son will get in trouble’ ‘ other parents will complain that their child ate a sweet’ etc etc However, since using NVR and declarative language this was also an opportunity to help my son problem solve. So I suggested that they did look lovely sweets but if a teachers saw them they would take them away. He thought about this and decided he would eat one there at then and leave the rest in the car. Yes my son ate a sweet at 9.30am (we were frequently late!) but he had also not taken them into school. Positive result in my mind!
In reality, even with accommodations my sons faced challenges with school and couldn’t just get on with it. He is now age 10 yrs old and not in school. I am working on EOTAS and developing a hybrid/flexi school approach involving some online home learning, some sessions within a school, online mentoring, educational day trips etc.
I have come to accept that education will be different in my family but I am now excited to join my sons on their path in life. One of my sons is in a mainstream secondary school about to start his GCSEs and my other son may do GCSEs aged 16 or maybe aged 18 or maybe not? Maybe they will or won’t got to University? Maybe they will go straight into running business? It might be a different path to mine, and a different path to what I had expected for my children, but I know that with support they can be successful in whatever they choose to do – he wants to set up and run a diamond mine, that has got to be good, surely!